I feel like I've been on a roller coaster with so many ups and downs. I'm not loving this roller coaster and would really like to jump off it and be able to stand on solid ground. Emotionally I feel exhausted.
We were told we would probably be taking Mason home today. He finished his 48 hours of full feeds this morning. I was at the hospital until 2:30 am feeling stressed. So many horror stories of babies ready to leave but something changing to make them stay so I was trying not to get too excited. Also a little nervous about bringing him home. Preemies are so different than healthy babies. Just watching your babies monitors could make you a nervous wreck and seeing what they have to work through as they grow and figure things out. This has been such a different experience!
I called the hospital this morning at 6:00 am to see how he was doing. The nurse told me at around 4:00 am his heart and oxygen levels dropped so now that means we probably have at least another week before he can come home. It's so strange I don't really feel like I have a baby. It just seems like a horrible dream or like I have 2 lives, one periodically at home and the other at the hospital. Oh, please bless that this will end soon.
I don't want to bring him home until he is ready, especially because I don't ever want to go back! Plus I don't want to be constantly worrying about him. He is such a sweet baby with a good temperament. I am so grateful that he is doing as well as he is, because he really made a lot of progress fast. I'm just emotionally tired and came home for the day for a break. A much needed break!