Home

So mason was finally able to come home on Sunday, August 7th. The last week I had such a hard time even being at the hospital because it gave me so much anxiety. Driving to the hospital on Sunday I was so sick to my stomach and nervous that when we got there they would tell us he needed to stay longer. I didn't think mentally or emotionally i could handle it. Luckily that didn't happen and so now we are HOME! It is so nice to be home! Our kids are beyond thrown off by all of this, but it has been very therapudic being home.

Since being home Mason has been doing really well. He had a monitor on him which goes off (crazy loud) if he either hasn't taken a breath for over 20 seconds or if his heart rate drops below 70. There is no way I would have dared bring him home without it! I wouldn't get an ounce of sleep because I'd be watching him breathe all night. Our girls are loving him and I've been especially surprised by Emma, she just loves watching him and has been my biggest helper!

So Mason was discharged weighing 6 lbs and today weighed 6 lbs. 6 oz. I took him to the doctor and let them do the dumbest thing, some immunizations. What in the world was I thinking? I'm so mad! I told her I didn't want to do them all at once, so they did 3 instead of 5. He is so little! I think immunizations are so difficult to decide how to do them (or whether not to). I know we have them for a reason and that the diseases we are preventing against were terrible, but why should I have the same dose for my little baby than a big healthy baby? Anyway, he has been miserable today and has had some drops in his heart rate and breathing. Now I am back to being a mess worrying about him. I'm just really mad at myself for not thinking this through better and just trusting the doctor. What was I thinking????

Rollercoaster

I feel like I've been on a roller coaster with so many ups and downs. I'm not loving this roller coaster and would really like to jump off it and be able to stand on solid ground. Emotionally I feel exhausted.

We were told we would probably be taking Mason home today. He finished his 48 hours of full feeds this morning. I was at the hospital until 2:30 am feeling stressed. So many horror stories of babies ready to leave but something changing to make them stay so I was trying not to get too excited. Also a little nervous about bringing him home. Preemies are so different than healthy babies. Just watching your babies monitors could make you a nervous wreck and seeing what they have to work through as they grow and figure things out. This has been such a different experience!

I called the hospital this morning at 6:00 am to see how he was doing. The nurse told me at around 4:00 am his heart and oxygen levels dropped so now that means we probably have at least another week before he can come home. It's so strange I don't really feel like I have a baby. It just seems like a horrible dream or like I have 2 lives, one periodically at home and the other at the hospital. Oh, please bless that this will end soon.

I don't want to bring him home until he is ready, especially because I don't ever want to go back! Plus I don't want to be constantly worrying about him. He is such a sweet baby with a good temperament. I am so grateful that he is doing as well as he is, because he really made a lot of progress fast. I'm just emotionally tired and came home for the day for a break. A much needed break!